[Closed Post] ..the sky will come for you once..

[lanselos_du_lac]

The day is warm and bright -- it's lovely, in fact -- and so Lancelot is doing his best to ignore the strange tension that has been dogging him over the last few days. He is, of course, keeping to his usual routine, which helps, and now he is in the little clearing where he and Magnus meet for training. He's waiting for Magnus to arrive, checking the straps of Arthur's shield while he waits, and doing his best to clear his head and focus up on what he has determined they need to focus on today.

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[quote_gentle_unquote]

Since he isn't taking her tea, Susan leans to set it on the floor, then takes his hands in hers and laces their fingers together. "You oughtn't need to keep secrets."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I have no secrets from thee," quietly.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I know you haven't," surprised. "Sweetheart, I wasn't concerned about me, I was concerned about you."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Why?" There's that faint annoyance again, though he himself can't place its source. "I have told thee, all's well."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"It mightn't bother you now, but I shouldn't want having to keep additional secrets to take a toll on you later."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Then thou shouldst have spoken with me."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Yes, perhaps I should have." She's not convinced that would have made any sort of difference.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Why didst thou not?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan does have the grace to look fleetingly embarrassed. "It seemed prudent to speak to Magnus. He often behaves thoughtlessly when he ought to consider the impact of his actions."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"It would be my place to speak to Magnus, were his actions harming me." His expression is still an odd mixture of upset, cautious, vaguely hurt. He keeps his hands in hers, though.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"And I shouldn't want you to be hurt in the first place, to feel driven to address the situation," Susan explains. "Sweetheart, I'm afraid I don't understand why you're surprised by this."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot looks momentarily stumped, then (against his better judgment) says the first thing that comes to mind as an explanation. "It is not thy place to interfere."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan blinks, stunned. "Not my place?" she asks after a beat, working very hard to keep her voice from scaling up as she says it.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He grasps for an explanation that makes sense, his sense of upset or worry rising. This probably shows in his face. "It was between Magnus and myself."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Lancelot," she says, slowly, fingers flexing against his hand. "Your well-being is my business. I shan't apologize for wanting to ensure no one is taking advantage of your goodwill."

[lanselos_du_lac]

His jaw clenches briefly, his fingers spasming a little around her own. With his free hand he pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She watches him for a long moment, feeling rather like the ground she'd felt so certain of when she'd taken a step has started to sag beneath her foot. "What?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I don't know, love," softly. "I am sorry."

He withdraws his hand from hers, but only so that he can lean into her and slide his arm around her waist, burying his face in her hair, against her shoulder.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She turns to him then, sliding a hand along his back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "You're upset," she says, brow furrowed. "Talk to me."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I am sorry," he says again, softly, "I should not be cross with thee because I am-- when thou wert trying to take care."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"If you're cross with me then be cross with me," Susan frowns. "Only tell me why."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He sits up, brushing her cheek. His gaze is still troubled, his color high.

After a long moment he says, "I think-- I am cross because thou shouldst have spoken with me. Not Magnus. There was no harm in what Magnus asked of me. But it isn't Magnus, or thee, that has me out of sorts. It's-- none of it makes sense to me."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I ought to have spoken more with you," Susan allows, though she can't imagine she kept her feelings on the subject hidden and unknown. "But he's a thoughtless boy who fails to consider the impacts of his actions on a good day. I - suppose I lost my temper." She still doesn't think she was in the wrong, though! So she pushes on to the next point. "What doesn't make sense?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I--" He stops himself, tries to refocus. He still feels off, in a very unpleasant way, but it is comforting that Susan is as deliberate and careful as ever. He takes a breath and starts again. "I have felt off, of late. It isn't anger, but it feels a little like that. I keep thinking about-- I don't know. I thought I had stopped thinking of Camelot as home, but it is like that... like missing home. Wishing I might somehow fix things. Thinking of... all the ways I might have had or done things differently."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan tries to parse this, but it's not easy to follow. "You've got regrets?" she summarizes.