[Closed Post] ..the sky will come for you once..

[lanselos_du_lac]

The day is warm and bright -- it's lovely, in fact -- and so Lancelot is doing his best to ignore the strange tension that has been dogging him over the last few days. He is, of course, keeping to his usual routine, which helps, and now he is in the little clearing where he and Magnus meet for training. He's waiting for Magnus to arrive, checking the straps of Arthur's shield while he waits, and doing his best to clear his head and focus up on what he has determined they need to focus on today.

Comments

[lanselos_du_lac]

"If I went now? I would bring Galahad to court, as soon as I could manage it. I would-- I would make Arthur and Guinever and myself, all three of us together, talk and try to sort things out. I would find some way forward that didn't lead to ruin."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"And you're angry that you didn't do these things before?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I could do nothing for Galahad-- he was not yet born. But I am angry, I suppose, that I did not think of it. It seems simple." He takes a breath, "I suppose, too, I do still feel angry at Gwen, sometimes."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan is slotting everything Lancelot says neatly away, trying to get a sense of the whole of the picture before she starts wading through it with her vast and numerous opinions. "Because of how she reacted to everything with Elaine?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Yes," simply.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I believe that's eminently reasonable."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I was so worried about how she would feel," quiet, a little distant. "I didn't realize my own hurt, I think, because all I could think of was how it would hurt her-- my faithlessness."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Your faithlessness," Susan repeats. "Lancelot--"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I do not see it that way now," squeezing her hand gently. "Though I did feel that, before I learned more here. I only know that that is how she saw it."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"And I think that's jolly rotten," says Susan, before she can stop herself.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gives her a little smile, kissing her hand. "I know thou dost, love."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan softens... somewhat. "Do you think she might've reacted differently if Arthur was more, ah, directly involved in your relationship?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He seems to take a long moment to consider this.

"Perhaps," he says eventually. "I know now that Arthur felt differently about it than she did."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I meant - specifically if you were bound to both of them, rather than just her."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot shakes his head, "I-- I think I cannot know. I think I misunderstood some of what Arthur tried to do to help me. I can't even-- I have thought about it, of course, but I cannot even picture how we might be, were the three of us here."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

A little thrill of utterly-unexpected jealousy flashes through Susan as Lancelot says were the three of us here. It's thoroughly perplexing - she likes that he's got other lovers - and something she pushes firmly away. She shan't be interrogating it any time soon! Instead of dwelling on it for one second longer, she draws their joined hands up to brush a kiss to his knuckles. "I understand."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Know thou," brushing her cheek, "I do not wish them here. I am happy, with thee and with my friends. But I do miss them."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Had she let her queer feelings slip? How curious! "It's all right if you did, of course," she says, busily, even as her eyelashes flutter at his touch. "Wish them here, that is."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He hadn't had any clue as to her feelings, but the busy note in her voice gives him pause. He smiles at her, "Of course, I know this."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan¹ studies his smile for a moment, then asks, "What would you most want to say to them? If they were here."


¹Who is to be forgiven for mixing psychoanalytic techniques with those recommended by gestalt psychotherapists (which was newly coming into vogue at the time of her departure from London), given that she's not actually made a proper study of either approach

[lanselos_du_lac]

"The two of them together?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Both individually and together, I should think."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot takes a breath, thinking this over. "I cannot imagine us discussing it together. I suppose we would need to start there," a long pause. "When Arthur was here, that day-- that was the first we had ever spoken directly of Guinever and I."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Oh?" Susan's primarily memory of what Lancelot has said of Arthur's visit is how dreadfully worried she was when he sequestered himself to his room for days, and how desperately sad he seemed when she finally bullied him onto a walk. (It isn't Arthur's fault, of course, that Lancelot reacted thus, but given that he isn't here, Susan finds him a sufficient scapegoat.)

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I think that I had, perhaps, always known that he knew the truth of us. But he and I had not spoken so openly of it, before. He-- I think he wanted us to have one another, if that is what made us happy. I still don't know how to feel, about that."