[Closed Post] ..the sky will come for you once..

[lanselos_du_lac]

The day is warm and bright -- it's lovely, in fact -- and so Lancelot is doing his best to ignore the strange tension that has been dogging him over the last few days. He is, of course, keeping to his usual routine, which helps, and now he is in the little clearing where he and Magnus meet for training. He's waiting for Magnus to arrive, checking the straps of Arthur's shield while he waits, and doing his best to clear his head and focus up on what he has determined they need to focus on today.

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[lanselos_du_lac]

"Ah, no," he says, quietly.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

He does sound ever so quiet about it. She squeezes his fingers and waits, in case he's gathering his thoughts.

[lanselos_du_lac]

After a long moment he says, still quiet, "I miss them. I miss court. I-- am angry, too, I think. There is so much I did not know I wanted, or did not allow myself to want, for their sake."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Has the anger got an object?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Myself, for the most part."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Lancelot," says Susan softly, twisting to bring her legs across his lap. She squeezes his hand with hers, and cups her other hand around his cheek. "What would you do differently, if you went back?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"If I went now? I would bring Galahad to court, as soon as I could manage it. I would-- I would make Arthur and Guinever and myself, all three of us together, talk and try to sort things out. I would find some way forward that didn't lead to ruin."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"And you're angry that you didn't do these things before?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I could do nothing for Galahad-- he was not yet born. But I am angry, I suppose, that I did not think of it. It seems simple." He takes a breath, "I suppose, too, I do still feel angry at Gwen, sometimes."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan is slotting everything Lancelot says neatly away, trying to get a sense of the whole of the picture before she starts wading through it with her vast and numerous opinions. "Because of how she reacted to everything with Elaine?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Yes," simply.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I believe that's eminently reasonable."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I was so worried about how she would feel," quiet, a little distant. "I didn't realize my own hurt, I think, because all I could think of was how it would hurt her-- my faithlessness."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Your faithlessness," Susan repeats. "Lancelot--"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I do not see it that way now," squeezing her hand gently. "Though I did feel that, before I learned more here. I only know that that is how she saw it."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"And I think that's jolly rotten," says Susan, before she can stop herself.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gives her a little smile, kissing her hand. "I know thou dost, love."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan softens... somewhat. "Do you think she might've reacted differently if Arthur was more, ah, directly involved in your relationship?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He seems to take a long moment to consider this.

"Perhaps," he says eventually. "I know now that Arthur felt differently about it than she did."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I meant - specifically if you were bound to both of them, rather than just her."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot shakes his head, "I-- I think I cannot know. I think I misunderstood some of what Arthur tried to do to help me. I can't even-- I have thought about it, of course, but I cannot even picture how we might be, were the three of us here."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

A little thrill of utterly-unexpected jealousy flashes through Susan as Lancelot says were the three of us here. It's thoroughly perplexing - she likes that he's got other lovers - and something she pushes firmly away. She shan't be interrogating it any time soon! Instead of dwelling on it for one second longer, she draws their joined hands up to brush a kiss to his knuckles. "I understand."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Know thou," brushing her cheek, "I do not wish them here. I am happy, with thee and with my friends. But I do miss them."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Had she let her queer feelings slip? How curious! "It's all right if you did, of course," she says, busily, even as her eyelashes flutter at his touch. "Wish them here, that is."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He hadn't had any clue as to her feelings, but the busy note in her voice gives him pause. He smiles at her, "Of course, I know this."