[Open Post] ..hell yes i mind..

[lanselos_du_lac]

It's been a long while since Lancelot felt this way: angry and adrift, too overwhelmed and in his own head to determine how best to manage it. (If Susan were here, it would be simple -- but the fact that his Susan is gone is part of the problem.) His anger is a hot stone at his center, a roiling mess, a weapon without a target. He still feels that he would like to smash something, start a fight, find some way to externalize everything all the things he could not bring himself to say to the Galahad who is far older than he ought to be, the quiet king of a quiet kingdom.

A fulfilled purpose. A completed quest. A long chain of manipulation and events that dragged Lancelot along in its wake, and that (in this other time, he has to acknowledge, not his time and not now) led only to the ruin of everything Lancelot had cared for. And for what? It makes him furious to think that the price of the Grail was Galahad's joy, Galahad's self, and that that price was somehow being paid long before Galahad was even born.

That's just the start of it; there is more, much more, and it feels like it will keep spooling out without ceasing.

His impulse, as ever, is to stalk off to his room and stay there until he feels he can manage himself. (He thinks, not for the first time, of himself ten years older and outwardly angry, angry enough that everyone sees it, fears him or dreads his company. A man who lashes out. He does not want that future, but this possibility has always been somewhere just under the surface; he's always known it. Sometimes it has worked for him, with him, but he knows that it is dangerous and there is no one in this place that he would want to bear witness to it.) If this were Camelot, that is what he would do.

Since he can't figure what to do, he settles for a middle ground. It's been a long while since he felt like getting very deliberately drunk, but that appeals just now, and so he heads for one of the smaller bars, just off the main corridor.

^{[Note: All are welcome! Those who care for Lancelot and/or those who also wish to fistfight God are particularly welcome.]}

Comments

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I think," cautiously, "that he feels very differently. He is glad to be here. I do not wish to speak for him, but this is what he's said."

[vineleaves]

"That's a relief. Are you two close?" asks Dionysus, who clearly doesn't know anything about anything and was not lying when he told Lancelot that earlier.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Ah-- no," somewhat regretfully. "It has been somewhat challenging. But we talk, and I think things are improving between us. It is confusing, a little, because when I left court he was not yet born. But for him-- he has experience of my future."

[vineleaves]

"Oh! I didn't realize he was so much younger."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot looks over at him, a little questioning. "Considerably, yes. He is my son."

[vineleaves]

"... Are you -- huh, well, uh. I didn't -- he's seriously your kid?" And nobody has thought to tell Dionysus this little fact yet? He was supposed to just come to this conclusion all on his very own?? "I just thought you knew him because you're both from, y'know." He gestures vaguely. "I didn't realize he's -- oh, but wait, you said he wasn't even born yet for you. That's -- I imagine that was an awkward conversation, to say the least."

A not-insignificant part of Dionysus is wondering if any of his kids will ever show up. That would be nice. He misses them.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot scoffs a little -- sure, let's say it was awkward -- and takes a drink. "I am sorry. I thought everyone knew. I knew Sagramore because we were both from Camelot, but when I arrived here I did not know of Galahad at all."

[vineleaves]

"Well, how could you have? If you didn't even know him yet back home."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"He knew me," quietly. "As soon as he saw me, I think."

[vineleaves]

“There’s a big difference in someone recognizing a younger version of their dad and someone knowing when they’re meeting an adult version of their unborn child they don’t even know exists. It makes sense that he would know you but you didn’t know him.”

[lanselos_du_lac]

"That's true," sitting up a little. "I know that. I did not even know... he might be."

[vineleaves]

"Who is his mother?" Dionysus asks, trying not to sound too nosy. He's not sure he succeeds. "Is it -- gosh, if he's from your future it could be someone you don't even know yet, huh."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot stiffens a little, but says carefully, "Elaine of Corbenic. From my perspective, she is probably with child even now." There's a beat before he concludes, "I did not choose her."

[vineleaves]

For the second time in this conversation, Dionysus gives Lancelot a tight hug.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot is a bit stiff in the hug, but he does lean against Dionysus a little.

[vineleaves]

"Do you want to talk about it?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"About Elaine?"

[vineleaves]

“Yeah.” And then he adds, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’ll listen.”

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot considers for a moment, sipping his drink, and then says, "I usually do my best not to think of what happened at Corbenic. Or of her. But King Galahad spoke of her, briefly, and-- I find that I'm angry on her behalf. That's never been the case before."

[vineleaves]

“What did he say?”

[lanselos_du_lac]

"He said that she was dead, but that it was well, because she had served her purpose to God." He clenches his jaw briefly then goes on. "He said this as if it were a kindness. As if we should all be proud. As if I should feel all right about what she had done to me, about what had happened for her, because it was God's plan or his will."

He finds that he is still, in spite of the bourbon and Dionysus' care, very angry about this in particular.

[vineleaves]

Dionysus, as it turns out, is also very angry about this. "Fucking hell, are you serious?" As he says this, there's a slight, almost-imperceptible shaking in the room, like being in a movie theater when a particularly loud scene is playing, except without the sound and without the movie. "That's the most -- just the -- the absolute most infuriating thing I've ever fucking heard. The idea that someone would not only willingly allow that, but cause it as part of a shit plan to get a stupid cup he already knew the location of? Sweetheart, I'm so sorry, not one damn bit of this should have happened to any of you."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot glances over at Dionysus, and he looks like he's surprised to be so moved by the vehemency of his reaction. He isn't even sure what to say; he'd anticipated that Dionysus would be angry, but he had not expected that sort of force on his behalf.

[vineleaves]

Dionysus takes a few deep breaths, and the room does stop vibrating at least, though he’s still very visibly pissed off. “Well the — the good news is you’re safe from any further bullshit from that god, though I know that’s sort of too little too late to likely be much comfort.”

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot reaches over to squeeze his shoulder. "No-- it is a comfort. As are my friends here." His voice is quiet and sincere.