[Open Post] ..hell yes i mind..

[lanselos_du_lac]

It's been a long while since Lancelot felt this way: angry and adrift, too overwhelmed and in his own head to determine how best to manage it. (If Susan were here, it would be simple -- but the fact that his Susan is gone is part of the problem.) His anger is a hot stone at his center, a roiling mess, a weapon without a target. He still feels that he would like to smash something, start a fight, find some way to externalize everything all the things he could not bring himself to say to the Galahad who is far older than he ought to be, the quiet king of a quiet kingdom.

A fulfilled purpose. A completed quest. A long chain of manipulation and events that dragged Lancelot along in its wake, and that (in this other time, he has to acknowledge, not his time and not now) led only to the ruin of everything Lancelot had cared for. And for what? It makes him furious to think that the price of the Grail was Galahad's joy, Galahad's self, and that that price was somehow being paid long before Galahad was even born.

That's just the start of it; there is more, much more, and it feels like it will keep spooling out without ceasing.

His impulse, as ever, is to stalk off to his room and stay there until he feels he can manage himself. (He thinks, not for the first time, of himself ten years older and outwardly angry, angry enough that everyone sees it, fears him or dreads his company. A man who lashes out. He does not want that future, but this possibility has always been somewhere just under the surface; he's always known it. Sometimes it has worked for him, with him, but he knows that it is dangerous and there is no one in this place that he would want to bear witness to it.) If this were Camelot, that is what he would do.

Since he can't figure what to do, he settles for a middle ground. It's been a long while since he felt like getting very deliberately drunk, but that appeals just now, and so he heads for one of the smaller bars, just off the main corridor.

^{[Note: All are welcome! Those who care for Lancelot and/or those who also wish to fistfight God are particularly welcome.]}

Comments

[vineleaves]

"When something upsets you, you're going to be upset about it, whether you express that emotion and get it out or not. Keeping it in will only make you feel worse in the long run. Do you -- are you familiar with the concept of catharsis?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Yes," though it does come out perhaps a little warily. In a tone that suggests a kind of rote reporting, he says, "It is something I learned of in discussing psychoanalysis with Susan -- the sudden release of unspent emotion. I have also heard it may happen by means of reading something that moves a person to feel things they might not otherwise feel."

[vineleaves]

Dionysus nods. "It's often cathartic to write your feelings down. Especially if you're in a situation where you feel like you can't express them another way without hurting someone's feelings, or something like that. I mean, it doesn't work for everyone, but a lot of people find success in this."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot thinks of Susan's letters -- those had been painful but they did seem to be of help to her, and they also helped Lancelot to better understand her. He knows Dionysus is likely correct; still, there is that stubborn anger at the core of him, and it makes him want to argue.

He sits, silent, for a very long moment, turning his glass in his hands, watching the amber liquid. Eventually, even though it is almost certainly obvious that he has other things in mind to say, what he says is, "I will consider it."

[vineleaves]

Dionysus picks up that he doesn't seem to fully believe it, that he wants to argue about it. "You still don't believe me, do you," he says. "It's just one suggestion, you know. There's plenty of other ways to express your emotions. The important thing though, is to recognize them, and to get them out. I used to -- and I don't know how well this would go over here, much smaller crowd of people to draw from, but I used to get groups of friends together and we'd go out in the woods somewhere for dancing. People would be laughing, or yelling, or crying, but by the end of it pretty much everyone was feeling better about something or another."

[lanselos_du_lac]

There's another little frown. "It is not the method I question, or... that gives me pause."

[vineleaves]

"Rather the concept of expressing those emotions at all?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Or feeling. Yes."

[vineleaves]

"It's not healthy to keep things bottled up."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot gives Dionysus a narrow look, "Why is that?"

Obviously, this strategy has never¹ failed him before.

^{1: ??}

[vineleaves]

"It's bad for your heart, and bad for your brain."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"How so?"

Lancelot likely agrees, but he's curious to hear Dionysus' explanation.

[vineleaves]

"Causes even more stress than if you'd just let yourself feel the emotion in the first place. If you don't let the feelings run their course, it's going to just -- y'know, fester up in there." He taps the side of his head. "And then all that stress can cause heart problems too."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot takes a breath, then, "I suppose thy point may be a good one."

[vineleaves]

Dionysus pats Lancelot's chest. "We gotta keep that sweet heart of yours in good condition."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He laughs, "Dost know me to be sweet?"

[vineleaves]

"Do you disagree? You've always been nothing but nice and precious to me."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I don't disagree," still amused, "but--" Then he pauses. After a moment he says, "I was about to say that few enough have called me 'sweet,' but I think that is no longer true."

[vineleaves]

"Well, people clearly didn't know you very well before, if that's the case."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"No," more quietly, "that's true."

[vineleaves]

"Did you not have as many close friends before, as you do now?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gives a little chuckle, "I should say not. Here, there are more than three."

[vineleaves]

Dionysus thinks that every single fact he learns about Camelot just proves that it's, actually, the worst spot for 'happily-ever-aftering', no matter what the song says. "You're such a likeable guy though. I'm sorry only three people could see that before."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot half-shrugs, "I did not much make it apparent, I suppose, to those I wasn't already close with."

[vineleaves]

"I'm glad you've been able to come out of your shell here."