[Closed Post] ..the plan means nothing stays the same..

[lanselos_du_lac]

In the few days since Dark ended, even Lancelot has noticed himself feeling easier. He had not thought himself much affected by Dark, aside from his concern for Susan and those he cares about who were facing their own struggles during the month; it's something of a surprise to find that his relief is also deep-set, for himself. There is a strange kind of hope that he doesn't recall feeling before, in anticipation of spring. He realizes that the pace will change, and that he is looking forward to spring and summer in this new place.

He's been considering whether he should move some of his things back to his own room. He has not stayed the night there since Susan asked him to stay with her during Dark, and he is happy to admit that this arrangement has been deeply pleasant. Lancelot has never experienced something so ... domestic as this. (He so rarely was able to wake up next to Guinever, that the first few times he woke up next to Susan after they began seeing each other, it felt like a very deep intimacy.) He doesn't, however, want to presume anything -- he knows Susan has appreciated having him close, he knows their relationship has grown deeper, but he isn't sure whether she wants him to stay with her at night on a more permanent basis. He suspects she might want her own space back, once she's recovered her equilibrium.

As ever, he has maintained his routine. He has also seen the invitation to Dionysus' party. It's this that was on his mind as he set out for the training yard this morning -- it was brisk and cold, but not so much the punishing cold of deep Dark -- and this he let himself idly consider while making his way through drills. (Thinking about it during drilling helps, because thinking about it otherwise has made him feel anxious -- he will never know what he ought to wear, or what to expect.)

By the time he has finished, he knows that there are several subjects that he needs to discuss with Susan when they meet for lunch.

Comments

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"You really should," she agrees.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He laughs a little, "I have, at least, managed to mostly worry about it when he and I are not together."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"It's different, for Laertes and Grantaire?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

A nod, and he settles his arm more firmly around her, "It is. I think because they themselves are so different. With Grantaire, things are very simple, very light. It's... it is hard to explain. It's not as if I care somehow less for Grantaire. I think--"

He stops. He takes a moment to really think about this.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"You think?" she prompts, softly.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"There is something... I do not wish to misspeak, or be misunderstood, So-- know thou that I am thinking as I speak."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Of course."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"There is something in Laertes that... now and again reminds me of Arthur. They are not much alike, but there is a quality that draws me in, a kind of shining. Something that makes me want to follow, fight beside, swear to. I do not think Laertes would much like or care to hear the comparison, but it strikes me now and then."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Yes, Susan can imagine that Laertes mightn't like to hear that! "So there's a different sort of gravity?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Yes, I think that's... something like that."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She nods - she's trying not to rush to interpret or contextualize everything he's saying, so that he has the space to continue thinking out loud.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I think, perhaps, it is complex. Or-- the flavor of it is different. I admire him. And he always seems so sure of himself, and I wish I were as sure of myself. Perhaps that's why sparring is simpler."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Does he?" Susan asks, surprised - that's certainly not the impression she's got off Laertes.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Of what he wants. Of what he feels. I think so."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan shall concede that point. "And your own feelings are wrapped up in your memories?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He blinks a little, sitting up just slightly straighter. "Yes," he says, almost wonderingly, "yes, I think so."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan knows what that feels like! She shan't tell him he ought to speak to Laertes of this - she agrees Laertes likely wouldn't appreciate the comparison to Arthur. Instead, she says, "That does sound complicated," in a way she hopes invites him to ruminate more on the matter.

[lanselos_du_lac]

His look turns thoughtful again, "I don't wish, though, for that to complicate matters with Laertes. Or thee, or anyone."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Then I can't imagine you would let it."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"No?" In fact, he worries that he already has allowed that to happen. Because of course he does.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Or perhaps you would," she allows, after a moment's reflection. "But not in any unrecoverable way. You're concerned about it, and so you're aware of it, and so you can identify when it's happening and seek to address it."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gives her a soft smile, "Thou'rt very sensible."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"To a fault," she agrees.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"To thy credit," pulling her closer.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Flatterer," she accuses, tilting her face up for a kiss.