[Closed Post] ..the plan means nothing stays the same..

[lanselos_du_lac]

In the few days since Dark ended, even Lancelot has noticed himself feeling easier. He had not thought himself much affected by Dark, aside from his concern for Susan and those he cares about who were facing their own struggles during the month; it's something of a surprise to find that his relief is also deep-set, for himself. There is a strange kind of hope that he doesn't recall feeling before, in anticipation of spring. He realizes that the pace will change, and that he is looking forward to spring and summer in this new place.

He's been considering whether he should move some of his things back to his own room. He has not stayed the night there since Susan asked him to stay with her during Dark, and he is happy to admit that this arrangement has been deeply pleasant. Lancelot has never experienced something so ... domestic as this. (He so rarely was able to wake up next to Guinever, that the first few times he woke up next to Susan after they began seeing each other, it felt like a very deep intimacy.) He doesn't, however, want to presume anything -- he knows Susan has appreciated having him close, he knows their relationship has grown deeper, but he isn't sure whether she wants him to stay with her at night on a more permanent basis. He suspects she might want her own space back, once she's recovered her equilibrium.

As ever, he has maintained his routine. He has also seen the invitation to Dionysus' party. It's this that was on his mind as he set out for the training yard this morning -- it was brisk and cold, but not so much the punishing cold of deep Dark -- and this he let himself idly consider while making his way through drills. (Thinking about it during drilling helps, because thinking about it otherwise has made him feel anxious -- he will never know what he ought to wear, or what to expect.)

By the time he has finished, he knows that there are several subjects that he needs to discuss with Susan when they meet for lunch.

Comments

[lanselos_du_lac]

"So I shall," cheerfully. He resettles beside her, drawing her in to rest her head on his chest.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She brings her hand up to rest on the other side of his chest, too, and cranes her neck so that she might look at him. "Penny for your thoughts."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He makes a little hmmm sound, and after a long pause says, "Art happy, with things as they are now?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She blinks up at him. "In what way?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"'What way' meaning 'things as they are now' or 'happy'?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"The first," she says, and shakes her head, which mostly pings as a slight shift of her hair against his side. "Both."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Well," another little pause, as he thinks this through, "I think thou'rt pleased with things between us, and happy in our partnership, as I am. Now that Dark is past, dost feel better in other ways as well?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Oh, loads," says Susan, immediately. "It's ever such a weight off, to have Dark behind us and to know better how to prepare for next year." A little kiss to his clavicle. "I'm well pleased with you."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I would never doubt that," kissing her hair.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Good."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"So, then, I thought I might ask thee," a faint hesitation, "whether thou wouldst prefer to have thy space to thyself more often, once more?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

This startles Susan. Although she's a consummate planner, she's been so focused on accepting that nice things might happen without consequence, she hasn't started to think about what might come after Dark. A little uncertainly, she asks, "Do you want to return to your own space?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

With that kind of frank honesty he sometimes has, he says, "In truth? Not particularly. This has been good for me, I think. I think, too, it has been good for us. It is unlike anything I would ever have hoped for; I did not even know it to be something I might want, living this way with someone I love." He pauses again. "But-- I know thou'rt independent. Thou didst like having thine own space, I think, and I would not wish to crowd thee. Since Dark has ended, I was... well. I wondered whether thou might wish to return to things as they were."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan is quiet for another moment, reflecting. "I do like my own space," she agrees, eventually, and then follows that up immediately with, "You don't crowd me." She glances up at him. "I've not thought about this at all."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"That's well," quietly, brushing her cheek. "Needst not have an answer now, it was just on my mind this morning."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

But Susan thinks that it's queer that she hasn't considered it. She realizes, at the stroke of his fingers, that she's mostly been envisioning things continuing on, straightforward, from the point they're at now.

She likes her space, and time to herself, but he always leaves for his drills early, and she's got the entire morning to her own devices. She likes falling asleep tangled up with him, and either waking early enough to see him off, or to the feeling of his lips against her forehead when he's about to slip out with that sword of his.

She pictures falling asleep on her own again, and waking with the sun with her bed empty, and curls up against him.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He wraps both arms around her. He's quiet for a long, long moment before he says, "Dost know-- I never thought this was something I might have."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She tilts her face up toward his. "Yes," she says, eyelashes brushing against his skin. "With Guinever - I imagine so." She's quiet for a moment, too, and then says, "I never thought this was something I might want." Her voice is hushed as she says it, her tone awed - the fact that she's considering it at all (and now that he's brought it up, she can't stop turning it over in her head) is a shock to her, but not an unwelcome one.

[lanselos_du_lac]

With another of those soft touches, and an equally soft voice, he asks, "And now?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan takes his hand in hers and runs her fingertips along his fingers, one by one, slow and light. "I always thought - it would be expected of me, eventually, to settle down with just one man, and...." She doesn't finish that thought. She was resigned to the idea, but she chafed at it. This is different. Lancelot has no interest in trapping her into something propriety or her family might require. "I like being with you."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I am happiest when I am with thee."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Now she slips her fingers between his and gives his hand a squeeze, drawing it up to her mouth so that she might press a kiss to his knuckles. "And I, you," she murmurs; a smile tugs at her lips. "You've truly taken me by surprise, dearest." There's another beat, and then she says, "I think... I should like to move forward. Not back."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Yes?" He smiles, squeezing her fingers gently. "Very well. We shall keep moving forward together."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"So you'll stay?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Aye," he kisses her temple, "so I will."