lanselos_du_lac | [Closed Post] ..shining through the hollow..

Once Lancelot has left Magnus and Galahad in the greenhouse, he goes looking for Laertes. He can admit he has had the urge to check in on everyone, in the wake of Magnus' incident, but he has realized that it's been some days and he misses Laertes' company.

So he goes seeking, checking in on the places he thinks Laertes might be, and eventually finding him in that same parlor they'd sat together in before. Lancelot pauses in the doorway, and then clears his throat and says, "I do hope I'm not interrupting."

Despite the clear fact that he intends to interrupt. He is grinning.

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From:

lanselos_du_lac

He gets that pensive look again, "Magnus wanted to know why one would take more than one partner. I gave my reasons, but noted that this is probably different or down to preference. He asked, too, if Susan was my 'primary' -- I said yes, because I think that makes sense. I would put Susan first, though I care very much for thee, and this is what she and I have agreed on, but wondered I how it is between Sagramore and thee.

Edited Date: 2024-04-18 05:32 pm (UTC)

From:

timebethine

Laertes sits back with a thoughtful look. "It's strange," he says after a moment. "Others used to ask me whether I was jealous of him, for he took many other lovers--and I would always answer that I would no more keep the sun to myself than his love. His love is a gift that he shares freely, and I am glad beyond the telling that so many return that gift in full measure. But as for myself ... I do not think my heart any such gift. I'm yet new to the arts of love. I never believed that such things could be possible for me, ere I came here--I meant to die old and alone, an unfriended bachelor all my days. Now, I think, my heart seeks surfeit where once it had pledged itself to famine. And, ay, Sagramore is and will always be first in my heart, but only as the evening star is the first and most constant in the sky."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

Lancelot nods, taking this in, "Aye. That's similar to how I thought of it. I don't mean to say that thee or Grantaire are lesser." He gives another thoughtful beat before he goes on.

"At court, I was bound to Guinever by mine own oath. But even if I were not, for someone in my position-- it would have been expected I marry a lady, and have no other. I would not marry, because I loved Guinever and, until Corbenic, I was faithful in my oath to her. Whatever I felt for Arthur, it would not have been permitted for us to be anything other than what we were -- even so, I often held him at a distance, because I knew we were hurting him. As I told Magnus, I think that singular focus on Guinever did me more harm than good."

From:

timebethine

"Thou wouldst learn to love like any other skill--and in bending all thy training on her, many muscles withered that else would have flourished," Laertes guesses. "Thou didst never learn to love thyself as thou deservest."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

"I never thought of myself," simply, "or at least, not in any way that I would act upon, save for falling in with her as I did. Which was selfish."

From:

timebethine

"Ay, thou didst not," says Laertes pointedly. "And thou shouldst. There is much to love in thee. I would have thee see thy courage, and thy compassion, and thy sweetness--and I would have thee do them the honor they deserve."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

Lancelot is clearly touched by this, and gives him a little smile. But the smile quirks as he says, "Here, now, we are free from those expectations that fenced us. I would do as thou sayest, but I would also have us learn what pleases us, what is possible. Perhaps that is selfish, too, but an we do no harm... we should do as we wish."

From:

timebethine

"That is not selfishness; they are not so much as countrymen, let alone kinsmen," says Laertes. "What pleases thee? Teach me; I long to know it."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

"I am still learning, myself," combing his fingers through Laertes' hair again. "I like compliments. I like to linger at kissing. I like thy hands on me, and the feeling that we are an equal match. I love to spar with thee, and when thou didst use tyy strength, I liked that, too."

From:

timebethine

"Didst like to be overpowered?" asks Laertes, very softly. He finds Lancelot's other hand and links their fingers together; his pulse thunders in all the places where they touch.

From:

lanselos_du_lac

He squeezes Laertes' hand. "I did."

From:

timebethine

"I like to be useful," says Laertes. He closes his eyes and leans in to rest his cheek against Lancelot's, pulse still drumming in his ears. "I like to be of service--and to know what's expected of me, and to do it. There's nothing better than knowing I've done well by one I love."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

Lancelot holds him, one hand still in his hair. "Hast ever done well by me."

He is thinking, though, about the various ways he thinks Laertes might mean this.

From:

timebethine

"Further yet, I will not draw thee."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

Lancelot gives a little laugh, curling Laertes' hair around his fingers. "What meanst thou?"

From:

timebethine

"Only that some things that please me, please me carnally, and I would not set such an expectation upon thee."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

"Oh," another one of those slightly surprised sounding responses, as understanding dawns. "This is something else Magnus was asking -- but I think 'twas part of the teasing."

From:

timebethine

"Oh?"

From:

lanselos_du_lac

Lancelot makes an expressive face of annoyance (mildly fond). "He asked me about my saying that I was bound to the Queen. Whether that meant bound by rope, tied, as if one cannot be bound by words or love. And asked would I like for one of thee to do so-- and I said I was not sure how it appealed. Which was true. It is hard for me to picture. Hast any knowledge of that?"

From:

timebethine

Laertes can't help laughing, a deep rib-shaking laugh that Lancelot will be able to feel in his bones. "Ay, I do. Some of my lovers like to see me decked in ropes, and some, I prefer to see bound."

From:

lanselos_du_lac

He smiles at the laugh, clear affection in his eyes. "Explain, please?"

From:

timebethine

"Ay--there are many things to like in it," says Laertes. "There's an art to tying knots well, so that they'll bind without sapping the blood or chafing the skin. But more than that, there's an art of adornment in it, too; one lover likes to wind ropes as though they're the finest of jewelry, and the patterns that they make across the skin are beautiful in themselves, in a way that need not heat the blood. That skill alone is worth admiring, and it's one I've yet to master." His smile shades warmer, fonder, as he moves from abstraction to specific memories. "And there is a kind of joy--a release, I should say--in being bound. Nothing can be expected of thee but thy pleasure and thine endurance. There is no escape from thy lover's affections; there can be no room for doubt. Thou canst only be, and yet thou art enough."