[Closed Post] ..shining through the hollow..

[lanselos_du_lac]

Once Lancelot has left Magnus and Galahad in the greenhouse, he goes looking for Laertes. He can admit he has had the urge to check in on everyone, in the wake of Magnus' incident, but he has realized that it's been some days and he misses Laertes' company.

So he goes seeking, checking in on the places he thinks Laertes might be, and eventually finding him in that same parlor they'd sat together in before. Lancelot pauses in the doorway, and then clears his throat and says, "I do hope I'm not interrupting."

Despite the clear fact that he intends to interrupt. He is grinning.

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[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot blinks. He could not say why, but he didn't expect this reaction.

"Of course it was rash, but there was nothing for it. Once he was in the greenhouse he had me seek Lan Wangji, which I did, and then--" Well. Perhaps he should slide the part where he also spent an unknown amount of time running hither and yon to be sure they had what they needed.

[timebethine]

"I'm not angry," says Laertes, subsiding, running his hands down Lancelot's back in quick, convulsive strokes. "I promise thee, I'm not angry. I only feared for thee--thou art precious beyond measure, and to think I'd nearly lost thee--nearly lost thee days ago--it harrows me. Thou didst well. Thou wert so brave. Thou wert every inch a knight."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Oh," vaguely surprised. Precious beyond measure. Somehow he didn't expect this level of intensity. He resists the urge to wave off the praise, but this means that he's stuck for a moment before he says, a bit stupidly, "Dost feel so strongly for me?"

[timebethine]

Quietly, "An thou shouldst like it not, I'll go from thee."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"What?" There's a little alarm, "No. I did not say I mislike it. I'm only-- I think I underestimated thine affections."

Lancelot strokes Laertes' cheek. "I admire thee so much, and I like thee so well-- I think it is like the time that I did not think you could have any interest in me aside from friendship."

[timebethine]

"As I care for thee, and admire thee," says Laertes. He curls his hand over Lancelot's, knuckles mapped to knuckles, cradling that touch as though it's something precious. "I do not seek a swift tumble with a handsome man--I would be thy fast friend, and thy lover, and have a concern in the safe keeping of thee."

[lanselos_du_lac]

This calls up another blush, and Lancelot leans against him, brushing his thumb across Laertes' skin. "I welcome thy care," quietly.

[timebethine]

"How wouldst thou have me show that care?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He pauses to consider, then says, "I would have thee show thy care in ways that are natural to thee. I am still learning, in some ways, what I like -- I am not well-used to being free enough to love so openly. If I am over-cautious, it's old habit."

But then another look flits across his face, thoughtful. "Could I-- I have questions, and I would know thy thoughts."

[timebethine]

"Say on," says Laertes, although the promise of unspecified questions makes his stomach clench a little. He hates little more than an unexpected test; he can't help the old, trained response of dreading failure. To cover that dread--or to spite it--he pulls Lancelot down into a swift but thorough kiss. "I'll requite thee."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Earlier I spoke with Magnus and Galahad. I meant to see that they were well, but as often happens with Magnus I was drawn into other topics and... well. As much as they were asking me about my own affairs, they raised questions I had no answer to, but I think thou dost." He resettles himself, so they can better meet one another's eyes, but he's not inclined to move. After a beat he adds, "Thy thoughts are for my benefit. I do not seek to answer the two of them any more than I have already."

[timebethine]

"Ay, anything Claudius knows, Galahad knows, and anything Galahad knows, Magnus knows--and anything Magnus knows, the world at large knows." A fond roll of the eyes. "Let me answer if I can, and thou canst share it with them if it would be needful. I would have the world make good report of thee."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Ah-- that does make things make a bit more sense.

"Well, my questions are for my own benefit. I think, as much as they were genuine questions, the two of them were having a bit of fun at my expense."

[timebethine]

It occurs to Laertes then that Lancelot isn't only delaying and disclaiming to reassure him; whatever he means to ask, it touches something uncomfortable and unsure in him. Something, perhaps, that he doesn't know how to wrap words around. "I promise not to laugh," says Laertes, more gently.

[lanselos_du_lac]

This earns him a grin, "I did not think thou wouldst. I trust in thee."

[timebethine]

"Ask, then. I'll answer."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gets that pensive look again, "Magnus wanted to know why one would take more than one partner. I gave my reasons, but noted that this is probably different or down to preference. He asked, too, if Susan was my 'primary' -- I said yes, because I think that makes sense. I would put Susan first, though I care very much for thee, and this is what she and I have agreed on, but wondered I how it is between Sagramore and thee.

[timebethine]

Laertes sits back with a thoughtful look. "It's strange," he says after a moment. "Others used to ask me whether I was jealous of him, for he took many other lovers--and I would always answer that I would no more keep the sun to myself than his love. His love is a gift that he shares freely, and I am glad beyond the telling that so many return that gift in full measure. But as for myself ... I do not think my heart any such gift. I'm yet new to the arts of love. I never believed that such things could be possible for me, ere I came here--I meant to die old and alone, an unfriended bachelor all my days. Now, I think, my heart seeks surfeit where once it had pledged itself to famine. And, ay, Sagramore is and will always be first in my heart, but only as the evening star is the first and most constant in the sky."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot nods, taking this in, "Aye. That's similar to how I thought of it. I don't mean to say that thee or Grantaire are lesser." He gives another thoughtful beat before he goes on.

"At court, I was bound to Guinever by mine own oath. But even if I were not, for someone in my position-- it would have been expected I marry a lady, and have no other. I would not marry, because I loved Guinever and, until Corbenic, I was faithful in my oath to her. Whatever I felt for Arthur, it would not have been permitted for us to be anything other than what we were -- even so, I often held him at a distance, because I knew we were hurting him. As I told Magnus, I think that singular focus on Guinever did me more harm than good."

[timebethine]

"Thou wouldst learn to love like any other skill--and in bending all thy training on her, many muscles withered that else would have flourished," Laertes guesses. "Thou didst never learn to love thyself as thou deservest."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I never thought of myself," simply, "or at least, not in any way that I would act upon, save for falling in with her as I did. Which was selfish."

[timebethine]

"Ay, thou didst not," says Laertes pointedly. "And thou shouldst. There is much to love in thee. I would have thee see thy courage, and thy compassion, and thy sweetness--and I would have thee do them the honor they deserve."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot is clearly touched by this, and gives him a little smile. But the smile quirks as he says, "Here, now, we are free from those expectations that fenced us. I would do as thou sayest, but I would also have us learn what pleases us, what is possible. Perhaps that is selfish, too, but an we do no harm... we should do as we wish."

[timebethine]

"That is not selfishness; they are not so much as countrymen, let alone kinsmen," says Laertes. "What pleases thee? Teach me; I long to know it."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I am still learning, myself," combing his fingers through Laertes' hair again. "I like compliments. I like to linger at kissing. I like thy hands on me, and the feeling that we are an equal match. I love to spar with thee, and when thou didst use tyy strength, I liked that, too."