[Open post] ..life's a hall of mirrors..

[lanselos_du_lac]

It's been an exhausting few days. While the zombie siege was dangerous, Lancelot is proud of how they handled things, together -- even though not everyone is friends. He was also, he must admit, grateful for the diversion. There is too much on his mind, after the truth-telling spell, and most of it sits like a stone in him... making his sleep even worse, weighing on his heart.

Still, all of that is strangely intermixed with hope. He has a few new friendships that feel like how he remembers friendship feeling -- pleasure in each other's company, time well spent, connection. There's a little piece of him that feels as if he gave that up with youth. (He was always glad to be in Arthur's company, or Guinevere's, he misses them in a way that's sometimes physically painful now that they're away from him. But all of that feels shored up by duty, devotion, love -- nothing simple.) He is glad he could speak plainly with Galahad, glad for all of these new possibilities. Glad of Susan, Laertes, Grantaire -- even Sagramore, whom only months ago he would have given little notice.

So he's reverted to keeping to himself, a little, while he thinks things through. He keeps his schedule: sleep (or not sleeping), drills in the morning, finding something to eat after that, wandering the mansion or the grounds. He's not as adrift as he was, and he is sober most of the time now, but it's an adjustment.

This afternoon he's determined that it's been too long since he took proper care of his sword. He's found a bench and has set himself up there to clean, hone, and oil the blade.

Comments

[lanselos_du_lac]

He chuckles, "Very well. I'm nearly finished. I shall put it away in my room and then come to find you."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

So Susan stands, slipping her book back in her pocket and squeezing Lancelot's shoulder once before heading into the kitchen. There she finds a basket, and packs it full of a canteen of tea, several hearty sandwiches, and a packet of biscuits. She throws in a couple apples for good measure, and tops it all with a blanket and eating implements; then she goes to wait for Lancelot by the door.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He joins her shortly after, looking bright and optimistic.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan looks at him for a moment, expression soft and open. It's not a smile, but the sentiment is there. Then she slip a hand around his arm. "I'm afraid I don't know the best picnic spots around here," she says, aiming for a conspiratorial tone and landing within the correct ballpark, for once. "Any ideas?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot feels warmed all over by her hand on his arm. He says, "I admit, I have not explored much, but it seems we can either go toward the lake's edge or more toward the woods. I am happy with whatever pleases you, lady."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Perhaps a place in-between, so that we may admire both?" Susan suggests.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Aye, very well-- let's stroll to find a place to your liking."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She sets off then, setting a meandering sort of pace for the two of them. "You said you were doing well to-day," she says. "How are you settling in, here?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I'm not certain I am settling in, but today I feel good," easily. "It was good to be useful. I have been trying to stay active. I admit, though, it is best when I have someone such as yourself to talk to."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"You flatterer," Susan says, glancing up at his face and then back to the yard in front of them. "What's more difficult, for you? Being here, or not being there?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I'm not flattering, I tell thee truth," in a bantering tone that does nothing to remove the sincerity of what he says. "I suppose just now it is harder to be away, though I'd rather keep sight of here."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"You miss - your people."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gives a tiny shrug, "I do, though I suppose it's more that I feel I'm shirking my duty by staying away."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan has a dim memory of Lancelot telling her he had been questing after falling out with the Queen. "That is difficult," she agrees. "I imagine it doesn't help that you did not come here purposefully?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"That is true," tentatively, "still, I chose to leave court. It still feels as if it is my fault."

A beat, then he places his other hand over hers on his arm. He lightens his tone, "Even so. You asked me along to enjoy the day. I'll not burden you further."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Like I said." Susan glances up at Lancelot again. She knows better than to try to smile reassuringly, but she does keep her face carefully soft. "I like having knots to untangle."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I suppose I have been trying to untangle things on my own," he admits.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Then I will give you the space to do so," Susan says. "So long as you know that it's no burden to me, if you wish to discuss anything." She spots a likely picnic spot, then, and gives a (deliberate) cry of delight, gesturing to it with her free hand.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot laughs and steers her that way, offering to take the basket so he can spread out the blanket.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan agrees, passing everything over to Lancelot. There's a lovely breeze out this afternoon -- not too chilly, not too lively -- and after a moment of fierce indecision, gives in to whim. She unpins her hair and lets the braid wound around her head fall heavy down her back. It's easier to feel the wind through her hair when it's not so carefully trapped in place.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gets the blanket spread, setting the basket in the center, and as he's neatening the edges he looks up at her and smiles, watching her with a soft expression for a moment. "Here we are," he says, gesturing at the blanket, offering his hand.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan takes it, allowing Lancelot to help her sit. "Do you want to hear something funny?" she asks, as she starts unpacking the rest of the basket.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Yes," with certainty, as he settles across from her.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"You know how I knew who you were before we met," Susan says, passing Lancelot a sandwich. In a businesslike tone, she reveals: "Thomas told me that he read of me and my siblings and our time in Narnia before I arrived here, too. In a book for children."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He takes the sandwich, listening intently; then, his eyebrows go up. "He-- is that so? Is it true?"