[Closed Post] ..the sky will come for you once..

[lanselos_du_lac]

The day is warm and bright -- it's lovely, in fact -- and so Lancelot is doing his best to ignore the strange tension that has been dogging him over the last few days. He is, of course, keeping to his usual routine, which helps, and now he is in the little clearing where he and Magnus meet for training. He's waiting for Magnus to arrive, checking the straps of Arthur's shield while he waits, and doing his best to clear his head and focus up on what he has determined they need to focus on today.

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[lanselos_du_lac]

He smiles at her, softly, light kindling in his eyes, softening the sadness. He feels drawn back to himself, to ground.

Lancelot knows that he has always been someone who seeks a lodestar; it's not that he is a follower who needs to be led, but that he looks to set his course by those he loves. He sorely misses his loves back in Britain, at court, and perhaps today it has just overwhelmed him. But what he has with Susan is unlike any other relationship he's had before, and he is so very glad of her.

"I love thee. Thou'rt like no one else I know. It is my great joy to be thy dearest friend."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan kisses him then, softly and on the corner of his mouth. "I'm terribly glad," she says, pressing her forehead against his. "Anniversaries are dreadfully hard, aren't they?" Lancelot will remember how reserved and removed she was around the time of Galahad's wedding, which was roughly a year (by her estimation) since her family's accident. "I'm not surprised it's weighing on you."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"No?" His arm tightens around her. "Then this is something expected?"

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"It stands to reason, doesn't it? There's ever so many ambient reminders."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Aye, I suppose so. I think, with everything else that's come up, it took me by surprise somehow."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Everything else? --you mean Galahad's return to childhood."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Aye-- and my own."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"You were terribly dashing, you know," Susan says, stroking her fingertips down the front of his shirt. "As a child. I'm so pleased I was right that we'd be fast friends." A soft kiss to his cheek, and then she says, "And Galahad was ever so tremendously sweet." Obviously she's said these sorts of things to Lancelot before, but it bears repeating. "I suppose it was rather a distracting day."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He smiles at her, covering her hand with his own; if it still has a sad edge to it, at least it's still a sincere smile.

"I hadn't realized, but there were many things I hadn't thought about for years and years. Emotions I had put aside," thoughtfully. "I found thee delightful, though."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Oh?" says Susan, after bestowing a kiss upon his cheek for the compliment. "Such as?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"What it was like when first I went to Pempont. After my parents passed."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

She runs her fingertips over his head, through his short hair. "What was it like?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot's expression turns thoughtful. "I had Bors, and Lionel, at my side, but I was somehow still quite lonely, much of the time. The keep there was not so different from Benwick, but it seemed to me that it was usually damp, often colder than home had been. I-- I missed my mother dreadfully. My father, too. He had been gone perhaps a year, by the time I was the age the mansion made me, and she a bit less. I knew, though -- or I felt -- that I was not to spend time in grieving or feeling homesick."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Oh, my love," says Susan. She keeps touching him, soft little brushes of her fingers; it's like she can't possibly bring herself to stop. "My dear heart. I imagine your determination to be brave didn't help your loneliness." There is much she could say - about how she can read that sort of decision and determination in many of his choices now, about how she shares the same tendency, about how they're birds of a feather, about how Freud would have a tremendous amount to say on the matter. About how, of everyone she's heard about at Camelot, she should like to share Bors's hand and then make a solid list of who, of the rest, deserves a cut direct, and who deserves an upbraiding.

She doesn't say any of this though, just keeps touching Lancelot softly, giving him space to think and to speak.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"No," quietly, "it didn't. I had forgotten how fresh it felt. I suppose I spent a good deal of time, before I came here, deciding what I could feel and what I ought to put by. That... that makes it harder, now, to have it brought up fresh."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Yes. It would." Susan knows this intimately.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot look at her a little more directly, then, his gaze keen in spite of the mixture of emotions he feels. "Thou knowest something of grief," he says softly. It isn't that he's forgotten; it's more an acknowledgement of something shared.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Yes," she agrees, threading their fingers together and clutching his hand close.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot brings his free hand up to stroke her cheek, kisses the corner of her mouth.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I am sorry that yours cuts keenly again," says Susan; doubtless Lancelot has come to realize in their time together just how infrequently she ever says that word, and how much she means it every time she does.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I am grateful to have thee," softly. "The joy thou bringest is a gift I could not have expected."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Nor I," Susan agrees. "But I'm tremendously grateful for it." She kisses his knuckles; her mouth quirks. "You might recall that I fancied myself frozen over when we met. I've not felt that way in a long time." She catches his gaze and holds it. "I've got you to thank for that."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot squeezes her hand gently; his smile warms. "Then I have done well by thee. There is nothing I could do to improve thee, only bring thee more happiness. I am so glad that I may."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I think--" Susan starts, and then she shakes her head, stopping herself. "No. That would rather change the subject. I shouldn't want to glide past your troubles."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"No, sweet," sounding a little surprised, "Say on. We have spent time enough on my troubles, and I do feel better. I would ever know thy thoughts."