Lancelot takes a breath, another drink. "You already know I am an adulterer. You may conclude, from there, that I have also deceived someone I care about. But I never thought to serve God -- this is part of why I was never meant for the Grail. My dearest desire, before I came to Camelot, was to be of service, of use, to the High King. What kept me from sleep, what pained me, was that even as I served him, I betrayed him for my own... well. I would have said my own joy."