[Semi-Closed Post] Sadmas Aftermath

[lanselos_du_lac]

Rather suddenly, after this latest mansion event or incursion of unexpected visitors, Lancelot will not be seen around and about as has come to be usual for him. He is not drilling in the field in the mornings. He is not in the café seeking pastries or companionship. He is not around the kitchens or libraries or, seemingly, anywhere.

Lancelot keeps to his room. If he bathes or shaves or uses the bathroom, he does so carefully and avoiding anyone he might meet. If Laertes leaves food outside his door, folk will find it still there later in the day. If anyone knocks, he will not call them in. He lets the mansion provision him with bread, cheese, water-- sometimes wine or whiskey -- but he doesn't much want any of it.

He cannot bring himself to speak to anyone. He cannot bring himself to do much of anything at all. The best concession he will make, with the understanding that there are those who will worry, is that he does not lock or bolt the door.

[Typist note: Anyone who might be really worried about Lancelot's sudden disappearance or withdrawal is welcome! Post is "semi-closed" really only because a character would have to deliberately decide to enter, and no one will stumble across Lancelot by accident.]

Comments

[lanselos_du_lac]

He sighs, still looking as though the loss is weighing on him and takes up the bottle again. After a long silence he says, "He gave me the choice, to stay or to go back with him. I did not think it possible for him to take me back there. But I did tell him I would stay. He had made his peace with that, at least."

[sagramore]

Sagramore nods, watching him; his expression is gentle. He's well aware that if Laertes had gone, if Reynaldo had taken him, he'd be a ruin of a man right now, and Lancelot clearly loves Arthur with the same kind of life-altering fervor. There's nothing he can do to make it better -- nothing he can do for Tress either, or Qi Yan -- but he can be present and bear witness to the greatness of the loss.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot takes a very long drink before handing the bottle back to Sagramore. After another pause he says, quietly, "I told him of my love for him."

[sagramore]

"How did he take it?" He takes a shorter one and sets the bottle back on the table.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He gives a little half shrug, "He heard -- he could not fail to hear me, as I was... well." He rubs his eyes again. "He heard, but I think he did not fully understand me."

[sagramore]

"Aye," with a nod, as if this were what he expected.

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Of course, if all he heard was my love for him as a brother, or a king, I suppose he is not wrong, but--" He has been working his way around to understanding, for himself, what it is he meant, and only just arriving today.

[sagramore]

Sagramore makes a listening sound. He's been through this once already with Shen Yuan; he won't push Lancelot unless he has to.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot looks up at him. "Is it very stupid that I did not know, myself, until I had him here?"

[sagramore]

"No, not at all. It happens that way sometimes."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I knew that I--" He lets out a breath. "Had we more time," he shrugs, "Anyway. Perhaps it's best. He is needed there."

[sagramore]

"Does that lessen the sting for thee?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He shakes his head. "No. I think not."

[sagramore]

"Then fuck it. What matters it whether it's for the best? Fuck this place and its cruel tricks."

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot looks up at him, surprised.

[sagramore]

Sagramore shrugs. "Thou art hurt. If it comforts thee not to be practical about it, then be not practical."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He raises his eyebrows, considering this. He's starting to feel slightly tipsy. "I-- I suppose you're right."

[sagramore]

"Of course I'm right," with a quick grin. He takes the bottle back for another drink.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot says, after another moment, "I told him I would stay, that I had begun to feel better, here. I told him not why."

[sagramore]

"The lady Susan?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Not only Susan," thoughtfully, "but yes."

[sagramore]

"Hast thou another lover?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

He laughs, a little rueful, "No, I haven't. Not just now, anyway. But-- I have more friends here than I did at court, and more who take care of me. Folk who have helped me see how I can--" He waves a hand, finding that he isn't sure how to say what he's thinking.

Instead, he shifts tracks, "No one at court would ask what ails me. None would come as thou hast today, or as Laertes did."

[sagramore]

Right, friends, the other thing! "That's on thee, know thou. Thou hast opened thyself to friendship and kindness as thou didst not before."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Perhaps." He takes the bottle back and after another pull says, "Arthur did try, I think. I was too hurt to hear him. We spoke of it."