[Semi-Closed Post] Sadmas Aftermath

[lanselos_du_lac]

Rather suddenly, after this latest mansion event or incursion of unexpected visitors, Lancelot will not be seen around and about as has come to be usual for him. He is not drilling in the field in the mornings. He is not in the café seeking pastries or companionship. He is not around the kitchens or libraries or, seemingly, anywhere.

Lancelot keeps to his room. If he bathes or shaves or uses the bathroom, he does so carefully and avoiding anyone he might meet. If Laertes leaves food outside his door, folk will find it still there later in the day. If anyone knocks, he will not call them in. He lets the mansion provision him with bread, cheese, water-- sometimes wine or whiskey -- but he doesn't much want any of it.

He cannot bring himself to speak to anyone. He cannot bring himself to do much of anything at all. The best concession he will make, with the understanding that there are those who will worry, is that he does not lock or bolt the door.

[Typist note: Anyone who might be really worried about Lancelot's sudden disappearance or withdrawal is welcome! Post is "semi-closed" really only because a character would have to deliberately decide to enter, and no one will stumble across Lancelot by accident.]

Comments

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I am glad to know my family felt no pain when they died," she says. "But Lucy spoke of their existence now as if they are all of them blissfully frozen in amber, and as if this is good and desirable - to be unchanging and, and stuck! She was so happy to tell me that nothing matters!"

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot only squeezes her hand, draws her a little closer. This reaction makes sense to him.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"I don't believe I'm angry at her," Susan muses. Frustrated, yes, but angry? "Just..."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He presses her hand again -- he doesn't entirely understand what she's describing, but that's not the important piece.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

What Susan can't say - can't even quite bring herself to admit to herself - is, of course, that she's angry at Aslan, at God, at any untamed creature she once put her faith into. Is this how Lucy's devotion is to be rewarded? To be crystallized, forever seventeen, before she ever even got a chance to become anything but a former Queen of Narnia? Is Edmund's prize for fighting to improve himself a removal of any ability to engage in that fight? Peter, so magnificent, stripped of every struggle to become magnificent? Even slimey little Eustace was killed and whisked away to that awful nonexistence. Susan has spent months fighting to be glad to remember that she's alive, fighting to accept that her family is not. In a way, now, the first is monumentally easier but the second proportionally more difficult.

She's silent, though, both to herself and to Lancelot. She is trying to understand this in pieces.

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot walks with her in companionable silence for a little while before he says, "I was glad to meet her. I am glad she came to thee."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan shakes herself out of her reverie and looks up at Lancelot. "I told her to tell our brother that you're very handsome," she says, aiming for playfulness but maybe falling a little short. "My younger brother - the one I used to read stories about you."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Edmund," smiling a little. He teases, "Dost find me handsome? I would not have known."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Merely passable," says Susan, arch as anything. She pauses - this is still something she doesn't really know how to speak about, especially unprompted, except in the vaguest of terms - and then forges ahead. "Ed might, though."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Oh?" He laughs a little, but sounds genuinely curious.

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Slowly, "Perhaps. It's only a suspicion." That they didn't have enough time for it to become something known is strongly implied by her tone.

[lanselos_du_lac]

He makes a considering sound; in truth, he's not entirely sure how to take this, or whether he fully understands her meaning. After a moment he says simply, "Tell me more."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Oh, Susan has opened herself up a can of worms! She regrets, a little, bringing it up - but it's important to have brought it up; someday she will need to explain to him Liu Mingyan and Janet. Carefully, she asks, "Where should I start?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

Her sudden carefulness has him a little on alert, but he trusts Susan to tell him if he oversteps. So he says, equally careful, "The nature of thy suspicion."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Ah, so Susan will have to be direct. She can do that! She can absolutely do that! "What - do you know of homosexuality?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

Lancelot gives a little shake of his head, "I do not know that term."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan is not surprised. She's fairly certain they will have no common vocabulary for this. "Men who lie with men," she clarifies, and after a pause so brief as to be nigh imperceptible, "Or women who lie with women."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"Ah," nodding. "I suppose I know well enough. It is not uncommon, at least among men, and certainly not uncommon here." He pauses, then laughs a little, self-consciously, "Laertes once suggested he'd be willing to lie with me, but I think my friendship with him is not sort of friendship."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan glances sharply at Lancelot, bald surprise written plainly on her face. "No?"

[lanselos_du_lac]

Easily he says, "No. Or at least not right now. He did kiss me once, and says it was to see if I was flirting, as I knew not. That day, though, I was drunk."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Because she is absolutely not equipped to chase down that particular thought, Susan says, "In my time, such things are rather not discussed." She's aware that it was different, during the war, but for her entire adult life, general attitudes towards homosexuality have been rather poor. "Hence only... suspecting... that Edmund might find you particularly handsome."

[lanselos_du_lac]

"I see," thoughtfully. "In mine, it is said to be a sin, and not much spoken of, but folk will do as they do, even at court. Perhaps especially at court, given that there are times of idleness. I see thy meaning, then."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

"Ah, then the difference is that it is less of an open secret in my England, and more of something to be kept at a remove from all but others who might share similar inclinations."

[lanselos_du_lac]

He nods. "I see. I was surprised to find such openness here, and asked Sagramore how it could be that he and Laertes could be wed. But here, with no Church and no laws, I suppose one can do as they like, an they do no harm."

[quote_gentle_unquote]

Susan doesn't know what to say to that. She casts about for a moment, but the only thing she comes up with is, "Were you flirting?"